Fucking Annoying Questions (FAQs)

Do you do production work?

I hate production work with every fibre of my being. It's mind-numbing and makes me want to punch babies. No, I do not.

Do you use CNC?

That would go against the whole point of my art being "handcrafted and unique."  The answer is no.

Do you accept rushed orders?


Why is your art so expensive?

With the exception of my flags, almost all of the work I make starts from scratch. I have to draw up a draft, make a template, transfer it to metal, cut the metal, grind the metal, and in most cases, paint the metal. Did you think it was magic or some shit? It's a laborious fucking process, Brenda.

Do you ever participate in art shows?

When I feel like they're worth my time, but otherwise, no.

Do you offer discounts?

10% for all active duty, veterans, and first responders. HOLLLAAAAAAA!

What type of payments do you accept?

All major credit cards, Business checks, Paypal, Venmo, Square, CashApp, and obviously cold hard cash. No bartering, personal checks, or private dances accepted unless you're Channing Tatum.

Is all the foul language necessary?


Additional Shit You Should Know

Turnout Rate

Expect at least 3 weeks from the time of deposit to receive your product, unless Florida decides it wants to rain all three weeks, then I'm just pissed off I can't work. Don't worry, I'll notify you if shit comes up.

Unforeseen Events

My work is highly determined by the weather. Please understand that if there is inclement weather for days at a time, I am unable to work outside because well, electrical equipment plus moisture just doesn't work well together and living in Florida is like playing Russian Roulette when it comes to work. It sucks and despite my sass, I am VERY grateful for your patience!

Watch Out For The Pointy Ends!

Some of my work will have sharp, pokey ends. Don't go poking yourself, your annoying neighbor, your in-laws, the yappy Chihuahua your girlfriend brings over, your kids, or anyone else with it. It will hurt and I am not taking responsibility for your dumbassery.